Kick-Off’s Over Bin Collection Schedules.

As if having to wait three weeks for bin collections wasn't bad enough, talk of a four-weekly schedule sends citizens into a rage.

It's bin a while since my last empty. Image courtesy of Shaun Weldon
It’s bin a while since my last empty. Image courtesy of Shaun Weldon

Three-weekly bin collections are proving to be too much for councils across the UK, they are struggling to deal with the workload and are proposing another change to their collection schedule.

BULLSHIT

Whispers of a four-weekly bin collection have caused quite a stir within the already pissed off communities, people are slagging the council off more than ever, and throwing rubbish at bin wagons in a protest to the absolute bullshit idea.

DUMPING GROUND

A spokesperson for Weldonchester Council’s waste management department says people are overreacting and need to realise that the changes are in their best interest. In response to this statement, the citizens of Weldonchester are collectively dumping their bags of household shite outside the town hall.

NIPPLE

Mayor Horace Flange is at boiling point and is considering getting off his arse and acting on the matter.

“This barbaric behaviour needs to stop, NOW!! I’ve had it up to here (Mayor Flange points to his nipple) with their bitching and moaning. I’ve a good mind to scrap bin collections all together and let them wallow in their own shit, see how they cope with that!”.

SHITTY NAPPIES

Children have been seen playing in the rubbish outside the town hall, raising a concern of their health, parents are furious. Waste management staff are refusing to clear the town hall steps and state, if it isn’t in a bin then it isn’t their problem.
“It’s quite beautiful in a way, it reminds me of Christmas”, one bin man tells us. “Although it’s shitty nappies they’re throwing at each other and not snowballs, it’s all quite magical”.

BISCUITS

A meeting has been called for mid next week to decide the future of waste collection, current and potential collection schedules will be discussed over tea and biscuits.

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