There was good news today on the stock markets at laughing-stocks rose sharply following the appointment of Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.
It has been a volatile few weeks on the FTSE following Brexit, and this sudden rise in the British Embarrassment Indicator (BEI) has brought welcome news to stock brokers.
“I lost nearly 15 million after Brexit,” moaned Gary Bigtwat, a filthy rich stock broker. “However today, after the cringe-worthy appointment of this moronic and xenophobic comedy character, I made most of it back. It is safe to say that Britain is now the laughing-stock of the world.“
Almost immediately after Mr Johnson started speaking in his first television interview as Foreign Secretary, viewers felt their cheeks burning with shame.
Painful to Watch
“He waffled on for ages and made a really disparaging comment about the French, ” explained Fiona Wigglenut, a viewer from St Ives. “It was painful to watch as he said loads of ridiculous things, and then apologised for them, whilst ruffling his own hair. This is the man who is going to represent us on the world stage, and forge important trade deals. We are fucked,” she added angrily.
Boris Johnson walked away, like a coward, two weeks ago, from the whole Brexit mess he helped engineer. However, it seems that this man, who is like a Teletubby with catastrophic special needs, has been drafted in to rebuild trade relations with the rest of the world.
Businesses who hope to trade with other countries, after ‘article 50′ is invoked, are advised to do it themselves without Boris’ help – or move their headquarters to Frankfurt or something.