Letter ‘E’ no Longer Considered Creditworthy in New SATs.

New guidelines from the Department of Education today suggest that the letter "E" is being overused in the English language and in future children should only use it, if the word actually begins with the letter.

The Letter 'E' - Just too Common
The Letter ‘E’ – Just too Common
Peggy_Marco / Pixabay – CC0

The move comes after the exclamation mark has been restricted to sentences that begin with ‘what’ or ‘how’ –  as it was felt that children had become over reliant on the plucky little punctuation feature!

Common Letter

Jnny Grnway a bizarre spokesperson from the Dpartmnt of Education told The Druid’s Loom. “The letter ‘e’ is the most common letter in the English Language, and we believe it is now being overused. The Conservatives don’t like common things, so we are going to restrict the use of this letter to a few key areas. Namely, only words that begin with that letter.”

It has also come to light that pupils who overuse the letter ‘e’ in the SAT’s exams will not be credited for that sentence in their marks and will fail.

Gibbering

“We believe that this is fair, “Mrs Grnway gibbered, without really giving a coherent reason why she thinks this.

Foaming

“We have also only just decided to tell the teachers this information, so students who have been writing normally all their lives, only have a couple of weeks to change their whole working style.” She continued, whilst foaming at the mouth slightly.

Other characters that face the chop are the ‘@’ symbol and the ‘€’ symbol.

Kneecaps

“The ‘@’ symbol is used in emails, which are not a traditional way of doing things. So we are removing it. It should be obvious why we are removing the ‘€’ symbol, as it probably won’t be needed after 23rd June.” Mrs Grnway told us, whilst trying to lick her own kneecaps.

Mrs Grnway is interested in your thoughts, so please email her at: JnnyGrnwaydpartmntofEducation.gov.uk

 

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  Subscribe  
Notify of