Man Pretends he Will Sort the Loft Out

A man has been pretending to anyone who will listen to him that the apocalyptic wasteland that will be created by the biggest event to happen to the world since the Second World War will finally give him the time he needs to tidy up his loft.

A Loft - Yesterday
A Loft – Yesterday

A Hartlepool man Ron Ronnerson has for weeks been telling everyone he has met in every place that he has been that “This whole Coronavirus thing will mean he can finally sort out his loft.”

Pulling Down the Steps

As Britain and the world went into lockdown Ron who works at a car parts warehouse began his monumental preparations to “Sort the loft.” Including having a good old think about it and even pulling the steps down and popping his head up there to have a look. As Boris Johnson warned the country to not leave their houses due to the risk of even more thousands of people dying Ron is wondering if he should get some of that plastic stuff you staple to the beams to keep the house warm.

Leather Jackets

The NHS is ready for its biggest challenge since its creation with crucial PPE equipment and retired healthcare workers being called back into action. Jeff Linington a co-worker said. “The Coronavirus and its effects will change the planet but Ron is concerned that he’s not sure where to put his leather jackets he had when he rode a motorbike that don’t fit anymore.

The world faces a dilemma of monumental proportions with each and every choice made by people in power saving or losing lives. Ron on the other hand shares his own dilemma. “I’m not sure if I should put the old bathroom tiles in the shed or keep them up in the loft. It’s keeping me awake at night. It’s obviously getting to the wife as well as she has gone really quiet and is staring at her phone constantly”


However there is hope for the world as once the virus passes the new world created in its wake may pay more attention to the importance of human health and safety as capitalism and its effects come into stark focus. Ron on the other hand is less sure. “What with all this virus stuff, I’m really concerned for me and my families future, i mean, if i dont get the right thickness of board up there someone foot could go through.

Druid’s Loom Update

Update: Ron quickly forgot about the loft when he realised he would have to actually physically do something. He has now moved on to wondering if he will buy some sort of trellis or trellisis or trellis or whatever the word for lots of trellises is.


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