A creative disaster for the British press was narrowly avoided yesterday as Theresa May was named as Britain’s next Prime Minister.
Meanwhile editors and sub-editors across the country scrabbled to find the best pun based on her surname.
“If Leadsom had won, it would have been a nightmare,” explained Buckley Shitwad, a sub-editor for The Sun. “All we really had was ‘need some’, for example ‘Leadsom, Needs Some Support’ – but there is not a lot we can do with that. This is why The Sun backed May in the leadership race.“
“Gove would have been quite good,” he continued. “We had ‘Gove Actually’, ‘Gove Changes Everything’ and ‘Gove Affair’. May is better though!“
Tricky Cameron Years
Editors have been reeling from the tricky headlines of the Cameron years.
“Cameron gave us very little to work with,” Lisa Crumpburger, chief purveyor of bullshit for the Daily Mail, moaned. “We could kind of use ‘Cameron Shameron’ occasionally, but it was tenuous. Fortunately his wife was called ‘Sam’, so we got a lot of mileage from the ‘Sam Cam’ composite.“
May the Force Be With You
Excited newsrooms across the country have begun to think up as many headlines as possible, so they can be first to use them when the eventuality arises.
“‘May the Force be with You’, should be one to get used to,” explained Miss Crumpburger, “We plan to use that loads,” she added.
Other headlines that have been prepared are: