Match May’d in Heaven – Say Headline Writers

Headline writers were today breathing a sigh of relief as Theresa May was named as Britain's next unelected Prime Minister.

To Whom it May Concern
To Whom it May Concern
Image Courtesy of Policy Exchange via Flickr, under the CC BY-2.0 License

A creative disaster for the British press was narrowly avoided yesterday as Theresa May was named as Britain’s next Prime Minister.

Meanwhile editors and sub-editors across the country scrabbled to find the best pun based on her surname.

If Leadsom had won, it would have been a nightmare,” explained Buckley Shitwad, a sub-editor for The Sun. “All we really had was ‘need some’, for example ‘Leadsom, Needs Some Support’ – but there is not a lot we can do with that. This is why The Sun backed May in the leadership race.

Gove Actually
Gove would have been quite good,” he continued. “We had ‘Gove Actually’, ‘Gove Changes Everything’ and ‘Gove Affair’. May is better though!

Tricky Cameron Years
Editors have been reeling from the tricky headlines of the Cameron years.

Cameron gave us very little to work with,” Lisa Crumpburger, chief purveyor of bullshit for the Daily Mail, moaned. “We could kind of use ‘Cameron Shameron’ occasionally, but it was tenuous. Fortunately his wife was called ‘Sam’, so we got a lot of mileage from the ‘Sam Cam’ composite.

May the Force Be With You
Excited newsrooms across the country have begun to think up as many headlines as possible, so they can be first to use them when the eventuality arises.

‘May the Force be with You’, should be one to get used to,” explained Miss Crumpburger, “We plan to use that loads,” she added.

Other headlines that have been prepared are:

  • The Darling Buds of May – (Theresa May reveals her new cabinet)
  • May Day – (Theresa May is sworn in as Prime Minister)
  • May Flowers – (Theresa May Negotates Brexit Deal)
  • May Pole – (Theresa May on Immigration)
  • May I Help You – (Theresa May visiting flood victims)
  • Maybe its May Be Lean – (Theresa May is snapped leaning on a balcony, whilst on holiday)
  • Mayday! Mayday! – (When it inevitably all goes wrong)

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