Me and My Big Hands – Friday’s Essay By Donald Trump

In an world exclusive, The Druid's Loom has secured the first article written the President of the United States.

Donald Trump with his big hands, yesterday
Donald Trump with his big hands, yesterday
Unmodified Image Courtesy of Gage Skidmore

In my time as President I have done many things, many good things, to make “America Great Again” One of the greatest things that I like to do is to meet terrific women, many terrific and beautiful woman from all over the world.

Tremendous
Just last week, I spoke to the beautiful and tremendous Irish journalist, I forget her name, but she was beautiful and had a great figure. Better than our journalists, some who are men and others who don’t have great figures; sad.

Terrific
I like my women like my steaks, well done and smothered in ketchup, and with great big tits.

You see, that sentence above is called an analogy (so Michael Pence tells me), I know and use the best words in my analogy.

Best
But you know, I have a great son also called Donald, he is fantastic and transparent; a beautiful son. I also have my beautiful daughter Ivanka. I wish I wasn’t her dad sometimes, because she is so so beautiful. Also there is Eric.

Today I met the wife of the French President, in Frenchland. We celebrated everyone who died in the First World War – a great war, one of the greatest wars. I hope to have a better war though.

In Paris  they call this day Bastille Day – so I am told – Am I right? Am I right?

Beautiful
The wife of the French President was a beautiful lady. In good shape – the best of shape. I wanted to use my big hands to feel her good shape, but  after I spoke to her, she walked away and clutched her husbands arm trembling; sad.

As President of America, I am also in the best shape, with the best hair and big hands. I also have a really really bigly penis – the best penis.

 

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