A butchers assistant has been hospitalised as a result of an accident whilst on shift at Big Bobs Big Meat.
HIDE THE SAUSAGE
The assistant Arthur Nobb, lost the end of his Cumberland after being persuaded to put it in the meat slicer, surgeons worked hard to reattach the end to the rest of his sausage but it rolled off the operating table and under the units, surgeons were unable to retrieve it.
The meat slicer, who is also the butchers daughter, regrets seducing him and says she can’t apologise enough for her dad’s actions when he caught them at it. She explained to us what happened as Mr Nobb was too embarrassed to talk.
LET THE PORK SEE THE PIE
“I’d been after his sausage since he started working for my dad, I’d often lick raw sausages and wink at him to give him the hint. We had run out of bulls bollocks so my dad went to the cash and carry to buy some, I had my chance of tenderising the assistant’s meat so I pounced on him whilst he was bagging up giblets. No sooner had he put his pork in my pie I heard the shop door open, my dad returned unexpectedly. He shouted through that he had forgotten his wallet and burst through the backroom door”.
Mr Bob, furious at what he had witnessed, picked up a meat cleaver and gave chase to the assistant. Fearing for his life, Arthur ran for the door but slipped on a slab of tripe, falling on his arse with his bits exposed. The butcher then swung his cleaver in rage, lobbing off a good third of Arthur Nobb’s knob, the meat slicer managed to stop Mr Bob and prevented further dicing.
DEAL OF THE WEEK
It took ambulance crew an hour to get Mr Nobb to hospital because they couldn’t stop laughing and had to pull over several times.
Mr Bob has stated that, should Arthur step foot into his shop again he will be chopped up and sold for £6 per kilo.