Modern Britain More Shit than 1700’s

A study released earlier this week revealed that modern Britain, is a soul-destroying shit-hole.

London, Earlier Today
London, Earlier Today
Public Domain Image

With poverty on every street corner, disease, intolerance and a huge gap separating the rich and the poor –  a recent report as shown that Modern Britain really is a shit place to live.

Small-Pox
The report showed that during recorded history, people were most content living in the 1700’s. This was despite it being a period of gross unfairness in society. There was record infant mortality rates and  small-pox was rife – decimating entire villages. People, however, were still happier than living in Britain today.

Sports Direct
For the poor, work was tough. People, old and young, were forced to work in squalid conditions for long hours with minimal breaks. They were often in dangerous situations on a pitiful wage,” David Bumcrumb, an expert on the era told the Druid’s Loom. “However, it was still better than working at fucking Sports Direct,” he added.

Pension Funds
The rich, were very rich, and had absolutely no idea of the plight of the working classes,” the expert told us.  “They weren’t even aware that children were starving, and that living conditions were atrocious. But at least, they didn’t raid the pension funds of workers to buy a huge fucking yacht in the Mediterranean,” he exclaimed.

Mr Bumcrumb also had his own theories about why people were far happier 300 years ago, than they are today.

Press Up Challenge
I think it’s because of Facebook,” he postulated. “Having other people’s grossly exaggerated achievements shoved in my face on a daily basis makes me want to kick my cat across the room – and I love my cat.

Plus if I see another twat doing the ‘press up challenge’ on my timeline I am going to staple my balls to the floor.

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