NASA Applicant Rejected for Being a Baffoon

Astronaut Applicant Cosmo Custard was left disheartened yesterday, when he was cruelly rejected by NASA

NASA, Yesterday
NASA, Yesterday
ahundt / Pixabay

A NASA applicant from Washington D. C. has been rejected for being a buffoon. Cosmo Custard 62, told The Druids Loom – “I sent in my application through the post and they replied by email.”

A copy of the email is shown below.

Dear Mr. Custard,

                               This is in response to your application regarding the position of astronaut dated 12/4/2016.

Though we appreciate your interest in the space program, we feel on reflection that you are an ignorant deluded buffoon.

The connotations of offering such a coveted post to an imbecile of your calibre would be catastrophic and frankly unthinkable – so I will not think about it. You do not fulfil our criteria in any way, and you are completely bereft of the credentials required for space travel – there is the snag. Involving an oaf of your stature in such a risky adventure would prove to be so counter-productive we would surely be better served by a monkey.

We require potential astronauts to have acquired an extensive knowledge of aviation. Being an avid reader of the Biggles books – ‘from back to front and front to back’ – as you were so keen to point out – will not suffice.

Candidates are expected to have performed specific feats of endurance. To satisfy this requirement you sited the occasion you had to endure the discomfort of an out-growing toe nail.

We also expect astronauts to pass a rigorous physical examination. Physical demands on the human body in space differ vastly to the physical demands of wallpapering your neighbour’s bathroom without a tea break – as you claim to have accomplished. Furthermore, I am astonished at the answers you provided to us in our astronaut questionnaire.

We asked you what an astronaut should take with him or her on a mission into space.
You listed: a packed lunch, board games like Monopoly and Scrabble, an alarm clock, a bottomless ashtray: so you don’t have to clean it out, a good map, and a collection of Biggles books.

We asked you what preparations should be made inside the rocket pre-flight.
You wrote: vacuum up, pour bleach down the toilet, check the central heating works, and make sure the steering wheel turns.

We asked you what astronauts should do at the point of lift off.
Your answer? – ‘they should all wave goodbye from out of the rocket window’.

We asked you what poignant words you would express if you were to ever step on the moon.
Childishly you answered – ‘that’s one small step for cheese flan, one giant step for bacon rind’.

I trust I have discouraged you from ever applying to NASA
again, yours insincerely,

                                           Head of NASA.

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