New OFSTED Chief: UK Doesn’t Have Big Enough Bastard.

The search for the new chief inspector for schools hit a brick wall yesterday when it was discovered that there is not a big enough bastard to do the job in the UK. Government officials have widened their search to cover the entire globe.

Ofsted Chief
International Bastard Required
Image Courtesy of Wilson Dias/ABr under the CC BY3.0 BT

The UK government has decided that the OFSTED chief inspector needs to be a bastard at an international level.


Department of Education spokesperson, Janice Blithering told The Druid’s Loom,”Current chief bastard, Sir Michael Wilshaw has done a great job in demoralising the teaching profession, driving good teachers away from the classroom and creating a teaching shortage that does not exist. Sir Michael was however a teacher and therefore, somewhere deep inside he does have the best interests of children at heart. In order to drive through our latest raft of inhumane changes to the UK education system, we need a proper lunatic bastard who practices his/her bastardry at an international level.”

7 Day a Week Service

In order to do this the Department of Education have widened their search to the far reaches of the globe. They need a bastard who is prepared to remove all school holidays, have schools working from “8 ’till Late” and to introduce a full 7 day a week educations service.

Candidates will be expected to sell what’s left of their souls, in order to create a generation of children without any free thinking and who will follow any government ideologies blindly. They also need to be able to ignore any educational study or theory and force through their ludicrous ideas without a shred of remorse.

Jeremy Hunt

“There just are not enough bastards in the UK. Jeremy Hunt would have been ideal, but he has his hands full destroying the NHS”, Ms Blithering concluded.

For potential applicants, can see the full job advertisement below:


Complete Bastard Required

Bastard Required to Drive UK Education System into the Ground

The British Government is looking for a total arsehole who is prepared to make generations of children’s life a misery.

Previous experience of the UK education system (or any education system) is not necessary and is in fact advantageous.

You need to be able to prove you have draconian and outdated ideas about how children should “be seen and not heard”, and fully believe that any educationalist is a leftie enemy of the state.

Desirable characteristics
To have been a despot leader of a totalitarian state

Circa £The Price of about 3 new schools



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Disgruntled - Broken Britain
February 15, 2016 17:56

The teaching profession need someone like this. It is wrong that glorified baby sitters should be allowed to dictate the terms and conditions of the education system. You need someone to go in and sweep them all clean!
Get rid of their holiday – strip it down to basic.
Make them work longer hours.
Get rid of their gold plated pensions.

It’s for the good of the country.

Karen - Birmingham
February 15, 2016 17:57

I Agree – Too often this professionals, just like the junior doctors don’t act like professionals at all. They wouldn’t survive 5 minutes in the real world!!

February 16, 2016 08:19

Yes… looks like you do not need a teacher at all…

February 16, 2016 08:47

The two comments disgust me beyond anger. If I have to hear another unintelligible retort judging teachers when they clearly haven’t taught!
I won’t even waste my breath on coming back with the facts…these eunuchs, have seen it done,think they know what it is involved and clearly are so far from knowing the truth.

Your Children’s future!!!!!!!!!

Sara Kensitt - Surrey
February 16, 2016 10:47

Good on you Disgruntled. Tell these parasites where to go. Who makes the money for the country. Not the public sector – they just take take take.

Wake up and smell the coffee!

Fake, but who cares
February 16, 2016 00:18

This is so typical of Britain today. Instead of investing in the further development of our own bastards we have to look elsewhere. Bigger isn’t always better, at least that’s what my therapist says.

February 17, 2016 08:03

I’m shocked. No self-respecting bastard is going to accept that sort of salary. The government will have to pay money. Not bricks and mortar! Madness. Utter and complete madness.