After accusing the Red Cross of lying, Jeremy Hunt finally conceded that the NHS is in a great big crisis. He has since been on the look out for someone to blame.
In an exclusive interview with the Druid’s Loom, this great big motherfucking Hunt, reveals all.
Wads of Money
“I couldn’t believe it when the Red Cross said there was a humanitarian crisis in the NHS,” he explained as he sat there, looking disinterested.
He paused for a moment to count out some wads of money he got from the sale of his education business.
“I thought the Red Cross, gave out food parcels to those poor hungry kids in Africa that are covered in flies,” he added. “None of the patients in our hospitals are covered in flies, ” he continued. “At least not the living ones.“
As he reflected, he unwrapped another bundle of cash from his briefcase and kissed it lovingly.
“Anyway, apparently some people are spending ages to get treated, and having to wait in insanitary conditions. – I wouldn’t know because the private hospital I go to is like a fucking hotel,” he grinned.
“However, we must do something about this and find someone to blame for the crisis,” he told,us as he nonchalantly began to stack up his money into neat little piles.
“If only there were someone in charge of the health service – whose job it was to formulate and enact policy – that would be the perfect person to take responsibility for this,” he postulated, thoughtfully.
“I can’t think of anyone though, so as it stands I think we need to sack a few more nurses, as it’s probably their fault. Apparently one was found crying in the toilets after a fourteen hour shift. That has ‘gross incompetence’ written all over it,” he smirked.
Mr Hunt then told us he had to leave as he had an important meeting with some business leaders.
“I hope to sell off more bits of the health service and pocket a few back-handers to further amass my fortune,” Mr Cunt explained.