In a press conference today, Mrs Morgan told reporters that she was getting increasingly envious of Jeremy Hunt’s callous disregard for the medical profession and NHS. As a result, she explained that she will be ramping up her efforts to destroy teachers and bring the education system to its knees.
“I’m really not happy that Jeremy is getting all the attention with these doctors having a strike and drawing battle lines and stuff,” she whined. “I WANT a teacher’s strike. I WANT to draw up battle lines. IT’S NOT FAIR,” she continued, as her eyes swivelled into her skull.
Mrs Morgan then announced a further raft of measures designed to get on teacher’s tits.
“First of all, academies are going to happen, SO THERE! You can whinge, moan and present me with pages of evidence to the contrary, but me and some powerful CEOs from some Multi Academy Trusts are GOING to make it happen,” she blustered, before sticking her tongue out at the camera.
Mrs Morgan then explained how she is going to tackle the issue of teachers not being able to spend enough time with their families.
“Basically, I am going to ban teachers from being able to have families. In order to pass their NQT year, teachers will now also have to be sterilised. Teachers must NOT be giving time up for their own children when they should be working 24/7 with real workers’ offspring!” she screamed.
“If that doesn’t make ’em strike – I don’t know what will,” she added, just before her nose began to bleed.
Half a Brain
Shamus Wigglebeard, a teacher from Sussex, told the Druid’s Loom, “In a way I am glad all these policies have been thought up deliberately to piss us off. It has been a struggle to comprehend how they could have been worked out by someone with half a brain and a indeed, a soul.“