After the post Brexit appearance fees dried up, and with his MEP salary due to end soon, opportunist Nigel Farage has crossed the Atlantic in a bid to seek his fortune.
It wasn’t long before Mr Farage was able to climb right up the arse of Donald Trump and stand up for Trump and all his grotesquely sexist comments.
As Mr Farage emerged from Mr Trump’s anus, smelling much better than usual, The Druid’s Loom was able to catch up with him for an exclusive interview.
“There is nothing wrong with what Mr Trump said,” explained Mr Farage, through his brown, nicotine stained teeth. “These are comments that any normal red-blooded males may make,” he added.
Aggravated Sexual Assault
Normal red-blooded male, Bredan Creepcrotch told the Druid’s Loom, “I once tried to grab a pussy on this girl who I found attractive. Unfortunately, she took offence and I am now serving two years for aggravated sexual assault at HMP Ashfield, a specialist sex offenders prison.“
In defence of this, Mr Farage explained, “Look, my cash is running out and I have discovered that by defending Mr Trump, who is even more repulsive than me, he pays me a hefty fee.“
“I get loads of exposure on the lucrative American circuit too. I am appearing on ‘The Late Show’ next week, to back up Mr Trump on the gaffes he makes over the next seven days,” he added.
By standing up for Mr Trump, Nigel has crafted a unique role for himself, as a disgusting little money grabber who trawls the globe, climbing up the arse of political despots.
“It’s great,” he told the Druid’s Loom, through his massive fucking mouth. “Next week I’m going to get inside the large intestine of Kim Jon Un.“