Members of the NRA began shitting themselves today and held an urgent meeting to discuss their response to yet another mass shooting in America.
“Mass shootings are an everyday occurrence in the States,” explained Colt Wondercunte, an NRA representative.
“Occasionally some attract more media attention than others and this is really annoying. It means we have to come up with yet more bullshit to justify owning devices that are designed and built to kill another human being,” he continued, grinning like a moron.
The NRA frequently quote the second amendment and their fucking rights as American citizens and are often heard saying ‘Guns don’t kill people, people kill people’. These bullshit reasons are beginning to wear thin with the American people.
Even More Bullshit
“It became clear, that if Omar Mateen entered the Pulse nightclub without a gun he may have been able to punch a few people and annoy them a bit. The gun he was carrying, which he was able to fire 24 shots per minute, did a pretty good job of doing most of the killing,” Mr Wondercunte told us.
The meeting at the NRA headquarters went on for about 4 hours, during which time, several tonnes of bullshit was suggested.
“After Sandy Hook, we suggested that all schools have an armed officer stationed in the building; so we are thinking of some bullshit along those lines. Perhaps all gay clubs in America could have a gun loan system, where revellers could are loaned a gun with their entrance ticket – that would probably work,” Mr Wondercunte suggested, looking delighted with this idea.
“Failing that, we will just give loads more money to the Government, so they just do exactly what we fucking say!” he concluded chuckling to himself.
Americans can look forward to a patronising bullshit speech from the NRA at some point in the near future.