Non related Brexit news feels like it has been sidelined to with regard to the shite about leaving the EU. Education, Health and all the really important things, are barely even mentioned anymore.
“I feel like I’m in silent movies, since Brexit started nobody wants to talk about other news,” said Other News, yesterday. “When Brexit sees me it crosses to the other side of the street I’m becoming a social pariah.“
“My career is in ruins, nobody cares about the blood, sweat and tears I have shed to get where I am today. Brexit came in and told me I had no employment rights called me a bloody foreigner because I was other news. The dead celebrities helped me out a bit but that was short-lived as were the celebrities,” it added.
“It was a gradual decline, first of all the overtime went and then it was ten minutes, nine minutes, eight minutes and now i’m lucky if i get two minutes. In the staff canteen the other day Brexit came in and just started shouting 25 minutes at me again and again, it had already took my lunch money, given me a wedgie and twatted me in the bogs, the bastard.” it said breaking down into tears.
“Then Brexit split itself into hard, soft, boiled, grilled, mashed, red, white and blue like a totalitarian dictator of the airwaves. I had nowhere to go, I was going the same way as Chaplin, Keaton, Marceau, Night and Golden.“
Other News has spent the last few months looking for other areas for its output.
“I spoke to my line manager at the BBC, Sky and Channel Four all they offered me was a thirty second spot on the Matthew Wright Show. I’m not doing Channel Five though; I have my dignity,” it explained.
“Not content with ruining my health, income and security Brexit then informed me I was being sent to Coventry, and who the fuck wants to go there? I have absolutely no idea how I am going to feed my children Sport and Weather. I’m going to have to take the sub-titles gig or wait for the sequel to The Artist. It would be a small victory Brexit doesn’t like the French.“
In tomorrow’s news there will be a load of stuff about Brexit. Some pictures of Theresa May contorting her face and some crap about Donald Trump.