‘Plates not Slates’- Says Everyone

The entire population of Britian would rather eat their meal off a plate, rather than a chunk of badly cut slate, a Druid's Loom survey reveals. Eating food off stones, is not progress, it's just pretentious.

Why is this considered a good idea?
Why is this considered a good idea?
stux / Pixabay

The British public is sick and tired of paying good money for food at pubs and restaurants; only to find that it is served on a plank of wood, or a piece of slate.

It’s totally uncivilised,” exclaimed Carrie Gruntfunk, a disgruntled customer, who ate at a pub recently. “My roast half-chicken, with new potatoes, peas and carrots arrived on a flat piece of stone. The potatoes and peas ended up all over the table – which was still covered in sticky residue from the previous customer. When I poured out the gravy most of it ended up in my fucking lap!

Early Days of the Hominids
Bowls, plates and other dish-ware have been unearthed at archaeological sites, from all periods of human history. It is unclear why eating establishments seem to be returning to the days of the early hominids, who were unable to form their own eating receptacles.

Toilet Seat Lids
Restaurant critic, Joshua Blowballs told the Druid’s Loom, “I spend a large proportion of my working day reviewing restaurants. I have seen a huge increase in the number of quirky methods used to transfer food from the kitchen and into the stomachs of the customer. These include used railway sleepers, car hub caps, iPads and toilet seat lids.

What’s next, are they just going to throw the food at us from behind the bar? The other day some chips I ordered arrived in a bucket. It wasn’t even a specially designed bucket. It was a mop bucket and the mop was still in it.

Have Your Say
What is the most unusual eating receptacle you have received at a restaurant. Let the Druid’s Loom know in the comments below!

Do you have ill informed or inappropriate views to share with the world? Why not leave a "Reader's Comment"?

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Barney, C

I had my food served to me in a paper bag. Mind you, I was at McDonalds – so you can’t really describe it as food.

B Johnson

I know this is hard to believe, but I was once served a lobster roulade on a square plate. Yes, a SQUARE plate!!! What is the world coming to?

Barb Bell

I once ate a pig in a blanket. Not sure of that’s counts.

D Cameron

I adore pigs in blankets