PM wants young to watch their language

Prime minister David Cameron has proposed tough new education legislation after being ‘shocked’ by the lack of spoken English skills in Britain’s under twos.

Lacking Language Skills
Lacking Language Skills
Image Courtesy of Gerry Thomasen Under the CC BY2.0 License.

The PM was said to ‘appalled’ by the inability of infants to form even basic sentences in English.

Soiled Butler

Mr Cameron made the discovery after visiting a local hospital to have one of his soiled butlers put to sleep. While there the PM wandered into the children’s ward after thinking the nonsensical wailings might be coming from wayward members of the ‘House of Lords’.

Enough is Enough

In a statement the Prime Minister said, ‘Enough is enough. Some of these tiny people have lived in, and enjoyed all the benefits of Britain for upwards of two years and yet many of them can barely string a sentence together. It’s just not good enough.’

From April this year any child who is unable to sing the national anthem or order a cab will be sent to special camps that improve concentration.

Tots of Terrorism

The child who is rumoured to have called the PM a ‘stinky poo head’ has been unavailable for comment after being detained under the Tory ‘tots of terrorism’ act.

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