Post Brexit British Science in Great Shape

Fears that British science would suffer following Brexit have been alleviated as a Sussex pensioner invents a breakfast making machine.

Fire Hazard - The Sussex Breakfast Machine
Fire Hazard – The Sussex Breakfast Machine

Prior to Brexit there were fears that Britain would lose its reputation in the field of international science research.

Mega Telescope
With China developing the worlds largest ‘mega’ telescope  and NASA preparing to put a satellite into orbit around Jupiter, one could be forgiven for thinking British science was taking a back seat.

Staggering Breakthrough
The removal of  EU research grants was causing concern for many British scientists. However these worries were unfounded as 69 year old pensioner, Peter Browne, has just made a staggering breakthrough in the world of automated post-nocturnal sustenance preparation. He has developed a fully functioning breakfast making machine.

Wallace and Gromit
Boiling an egg for three minutes and making some toast has always been a right ball-ache,” Mr Browne told the Druid’s Loom. “I have been wondering all my life how I could make this task easier. I eventually got the idea from watching Wallace and Gromit.

Transferring a fictional plasticine invention into reality was no easy task, and Mr Browne spent close to three-months developing his “machine” in his damp garage, next to the recycling bin.

Using an old bedstead, alarm clock, part of a hot water tank, a bike wheel and coat hangers, I created my breakfast making machine, that works almost 30% of the time,” he added.

We asked the European Scientific Council for their opinion on this groundbreaking research and development.

Caught Fire
The machine is the size of a small room, it has bare circuitry, open hot elements and loose cabling. When we tested it, it caught fire,” explained Peirre LaPlunk an ESC spokesman. “The fire brigade arrived they explained they have been called out to Mr Browne’s house on no fewer than fifteen occasions in the last three months. They are now in urgent talks with both Environmental Health and the Health and Safety Executive.

Article 50
When we finally got the machine to ‘work’ it made a god awful noise, vented boiling hot steam from various pipe joints and cracked a raw egg on to the carpet. There is no way that this would pass any of the European safety tests. It is a fucking lethal monstrosity, and to be honest Mr Browne should be served with an injunction for endangering public health,” he added.

I think it’s just sour grapes,” moaned Mr Browne. “This is why I voted for Brexit.

The Brexit Breakfast Maker, will be available from all good British electronic retailers as soon as ‘article 50’ is invoked.


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