Probably Not A Great Idea to Tell Press of £61m Lottery Win

The family who won £61 million on the Euro Millions were surprised to learn, that human beings are just inherently envious twats.

Lottery Win? Going Public - Not Wisest Move
Lottery Win? Going Public – Not Wisest Move
jackmac34 / Pixabay

The Davies family couldn’t believe their luck when they won £61 million on the Euro Millions last week. As part of their celebrations, and to rub their new-found wealth into everyone’s faces, they decided to go public.

Big Fucking Cheque
The family was filmed with a fucking big cheque, drinking champagne and lying to people saying how they money ‘wouldn’t change them’.

However things began to turn sour, when they realised that pretty much everyone they knew and many millions of random strangers, would want a piece of their fortune.

Loaded
I couldn’t believe it,” explained one family member. “I thought that the British public would be over-the-moon for us, and share in our happiness. I mean we weren’t badly off before, but now we are fucking loaded – everyone should be really pleased.

Within hours of the family having the picture of their home, published in the national press, they were besieged by ‘well wishers’, who wanted a bit of the money.

Security Guard
It is a real surprise, people who we hadn’t spoken to us for years suddenly turned up on the doorstep,” another family member told the Druid’s Loom. “Some faked congratulations, and others had all sorts of sob stories to tell us. In the end I just hired a big security guard to kick them all out.

“I‘m beginning to think flaunting our copious amounts of money, all over the news was probably a big mistake,” he added.

Drinks Were On Me
I can’t understand why the family are so surprised by this,” explained Darren Bogsausage, a bloke on the street. “Last month I won £50 on a scratch card and I told my mates about it. Apparently, ‘drinks were on me’ that night.

It only lasted one round,” he added in dismay.

Ex-Boyfriends
Meanwhile the press is digging up as much dirt as they can find about the family,  preparing obvious and badly researched stories about ex-boyfriends and estranged family members.

They have also already written an article, that is ready to print at a moments notice, about how one family member becomes destitute when they blow their share of the money on fast cars, drink and women.

If you know any shady stories about the family, such as affairs and minor criminal offences we would love to hear from you. Maybe someone from the family called you names at school, or perhaps, the man of the house once parked on double yellow lines. If so we would love to hear from you. Call the Druid’s Loom press team, using a phone number.

 

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