The Druid’s Loom wants a pledge from No. 10 to reintroduce the true poo white dog shit, which was ditched in 1988 for a EU-approved brown turds.
Patriotic MPs, who are also complete twats, are rallying to our campaign for the rebirth of the off-white excrement — to show our pride at being a fully independent nation again.
Tory MP Roger McBastard said: “A country’s dog shit is a symbol of its sovereignty. As we get our sovereignty back, I’m looking forward to stepping in dried up, pale coloured faeces again.”
Fellow Tory Bernard Bumwad said: “It’s a matter of identity. Having the brown sludgy European dog logs has been a humiliation. I totally back the Druids Loom campaign.“
“When I was first a parliamentary candidate, I was asked if I could bring in any bill what would it be. Now there are loads of problems in the world that I could fix, but i decided, rather selfishly that I would bring back the great British white dog’s egg,” he continued pathetically.
Totally mad Conservative MEP Dave Bollox, a key Brexit figure, said, “Bringing back the white dog’s rectal feedback would symbolise that we are once again British subjects and not EU citizens. It would be a visible sign that we are an individual country,” before dibbling a bit and allowing his eyes to roll manically around his head.
Home Office minister Christopher Grundywundy last week said there were “no immediate plans” for changes to the format or colour of the canine anal output that adorns the nation’s streets.
Yet another Tory MP James Boner, who really should be worrying about more important things, such as child poverty said, “Well done to the Druid’s Loom for this campaign. This is a great idea, which will find support across the country.”
The growing clamour among the public (that we have made up) to ditch the EU-imposed brown shite for the traditional powdery white UK version was summed up recently by Vote Leave campaigner Vix Burley.
She wrote: “I yearn for the days when the (gorgeous white and grey) dog poop got trodden in when I went anywhere in the UK. I loved picking out the remnants of the excreta from the treads of my shoe, with a small stick.“
Meanwhile, there are people in the world starving.