Rich Man Dies

The media went into meltdown, when a rich man - that no-one had really heard of until today - died.

Dead Rich - A wealthy bloke passed away, yesterday.
Dead Rich – A wealthy bloke passed away, yesterday.
PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay

With no fewer than six fawning articles published in the Daily Mail – and other media outlets publishing similar sycophantic stories – the rest of the country was wondering why they had never heard of the 6th Duke of Westminster before.

Grovelling
When I read the paper this morning I noticed that this really rich bloke had died,” explained Mail reader Clive Brex-Tit. “From the grovelling nature of the articles  I thought it must be someone famous. It turns out that he was just loaded.”

The Duke of Westminster, Britain’s 3rd richest man, sadly died at his home yesterday after a sudden illness.

30p Per Word
I don’t think it’s fair,” Jane Loosebelt told the Druid’s Loom. “When my dad died last year, I had to pay the local newspaper 30p per word to have his obituary printed. I then had to fork out a further £5 for a shitty black and white photo. This guy, who was a billionaire, gets pages of newspaper space, with full colour pictures for free! It’s one rule for the richest dead people in Britain, and another rule for other dead people.”

Hypothesis
“It’s almost as if his wealth was being used to control the media,” she hypothesised suspiciously.

Meanwhile in Britain, loads of poor people die every day, sometimes alone, going unnoticed until their decomposing corpses are found by council workmen investigating a bad smell.

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