Rotherham Man Dines with Cheese on His Face

A Rotherham man has appeared in the T.V. dinner date show - 'Love Luncheon' , with cheese on his face.

Some Cheese, not on a Face, yesterday.
Some Cheese, not on a Face, yesterday.
lee_2 / Pixabay

Ted Stilton 49, told Druids Loom – “The oversight of not checking my appearance in the mirror before the date caused complications, but it wasn’t intentional. I was running late – needed a shave, and realised I’d run out of razors. There wasn’t enough time to go shopping for some, so my sister suggested I use a cheese grater instead.”

“I arrived at the restaurant – kissed my date on the cheek and she said – ‘Get all that cheese off your face now’. I laughed it off and tried to change the subject, but the evening proceeded as follows:

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

‘What? cheese on my face – you must be joking’ I said,

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

‘I can assure you lady, there is no cheese on my face’ I said,

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

‘Madam I beseech thee, do you really think I would nobly grace this prestigious rendezvous in such seductive fervour with cheese on my face?’ I said,

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

‘Do you think I would misplace with such anomaly, a gross misrepresentation of my mush by adorning it in cheese?’ I said,

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

‘Do you think I would indefensibly, in such disregard and folly, blunder with impudence by exhibiting a cheesy face?’ I said,

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

‘Do you think I would jeopardise these romantic proceedings by letting the Red Leicester on my shaven face fester?’ I said,

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

‘Do you think I would let an imposter like the Double Gloucester ruin this date? – sit here plastered in parmesan like I don’t give a damn – I wouldn’t dare, I wouldn’t dare, I wouldn’t dare wear the camembert!’ I said,

‘Get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.

When I arrived home later that evening my sister said – ‘get all your stubble from out of the cheese grater’.

‘Certainly, anything else you’d like me to do?’ I said,

‘Yes, get all that cheese off your face now’ she said.'”

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YVAIN LAWGOCH

How come, I/WE haven’t seen shy Noo York comedian WOODY ALLEN since he appeared diffiently on the steps of No.10 Downing street after THERESA was enthroned?