Schools Charge Children £2 to Take a Dump.

It emerged today that some schools are planning to charge students £2 to take a dump and £1 to have a wee, after funding cuts mean they can no longer afford toilet paper, and those little yellow urinal cakes.

A School Toilet, Yesterday
A School Toilet, Yesterday
Unsplash / Pixabay

The move comes after the success of the scheme to charge children £1.80 per day to have the privilege of eating their own food.

Urinal Cakes
Headteacher, Cory Fruntmump told the Druid’s Loom, “Recent budget cuts have forced us to cut back on toilet based products. These include, toilet paper, urinal cakes, that hard pink soap and paper towels. We have also reduced the cleaning of these toilets from once a day, to once a month. They fucking stink by the end of month I can tell you!

Educational Benefits
Mr Fruntmump believes that these charges could alleviate the situation and provided added educational benefits.

By adding the small levy of £2 per dump and £1 for a piss, I estimate we could raise nearly £81,300 per year  – assuming 50 dumps and 200 pisses a day. That’s enough for a full-time cleaner, good quality bog roll,  that cool squirty soap and Dyson hand dryers. In addition, I reckon nearly 30 educational days a year are wasted on toilet trips. If children had to pay, they would only go if they really needed to!

Much-Needed Funds
Schools are also considering other ways in which they could raise much-needed funds. Ideas from the most recent think-tank include – pencil and ruler hire, a tax on snogging behind the bike-sheds and a “Get out of Detention” voucher” for £5.

To make the cost of this scheme more manageable for parents, ParentPay (The internet-based school payment system), is launching a new sister site called PissPay.

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Caroline, bexley
March 30, 2016 22:46

This is disgusting. How can schools do this. Going to the toilet is a basic human write.
These head teachers should be scaked. Plus all the lazy teachers that teach in the schools.