Seaside Towns are a bit Shit

British holidaymakers visiting wind swept towns in the coastal regions of the country, today decided that they are all a bit shit.

The Seaside - Stuck in the 80's
The Seaside – Stuck in the 80’s
hpgruesen / Pixabay

As the rain battered the seaside towns of the UK, during half-term week, miserable families decided that normal towns are much better.

Dog Shit
It’s cold wet and windy,” explained Julie Montfartling. “You can’t go on the beach because the tide is in, and the only bit of exposed sand is covered in dog shit. All we are just wandering round the shops; if you can call them that.

The shops in question all seem to sell the same overpriced tat, and nothing of any use.

Buckets and Spades
There is a shop here that sells mugs and sex toys,” said a horrified Mrs Montfartling. “How does one even decide on that varied merchandise range? The toys, which include, ‘sex dice’, jumping willies’, and various buzzing pleasure devices, are right on display next to the buckets and spades. My 13 year old daughter didn’t know where to look?

Penis on a Stick
Following our own investigations we also found a rock shop in the town that sells a range of confectionary, in a variety of shapes. The most disturbing of which is the erect penis on a stick. Presumably, so children can buy one and mock fellate it while walking down the sea front.

Animal abuse is rife, with sick looking donkeys being forced to walk through their own excrement, up and down the same patch of beach.

Jimmy Savile
The British seaside town seems to be stuck in the 70’s and 80’s; an era where Jimmy Savile was king, and our politicians were regularly ‘visiting’ children’s homes late at night. Even the seafront theatres have poor quality ‘comedy’ shows performed by sex offenders in waiting.

Anyone interested can visit a shit seaside town by getting into their car and driving in one direction until they reach the sea.

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