“Some of My Best Mates are Black” says Archbishop of Canterbury

The Archbishop of Canterbury today said that he is not racist and some of his best mates are black. He went on to add however that, he is a bit scared of the grubby, scary looking ones who, in fear of their lives, are desperately trying to flee an oppressive regime.

Not Racist - Justin Welby
Not Racist – Justin Welby
Image Courtesy of Flickr Under the CC 2.0 License

Justin Welby, the senior bishop and principal leader of the Church of England explained today that he is pretty scared of these foreign types that are entering his country. As a person who heads up a religion that preaches tolerance; he explained that he believes it is not racist  to be a little bit nervous of swarthy looking foreign types.

Stealing Our Jobs

“I am definitely not racist.” he told The Druid’s Loom. “Just last week I helped raised some money to buy a well for some brown people in Africa. It’s just when they come over here, and start stealing our jobs and stuff… it’s that I don’t like.”


Asked whether in his position as an eminent Church leader he should be vocalizing his opinion on immigration and the UK’s position in Europe, he said “Yes, definitely – the right wing press will publish it and it will strengthen the Brexit cause.”


The Archbishop’s line manager, God, was not so happy about Mr Welby’s stance. “As a premiere religious leader, the Archbishop of Canterbury should remain impartial to political affairs. I shall be having stern words with him at our next prayer meeting. If this kind of thing continues it will need to become a target on his appraisal for the coming year. The Archbishop needs to be tolerant of all human beings regardless of colour or creed – It’s all there in the department handbook, under ‘Peter – Chapter 3, verses 8-11’.”


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A Neebender
March 11, 2016 13:28

Blessed are the public school clergy, for they shall inherit more than the meek ever did.