“We defeated Spain before, we will defeat Spain again,” crowed, has-been Tory, Lord Howard, at an interview with The Druid’s Loom yesterday.
The very, senior Lord, jabbered on for a while, reminiscing how great wars are, although he did say you would never catch him fighting in one.
“Wars are for killing young people really,” he explained. “Old, morons like me, are best left commentating from the sidelines, and drafting up the next batch of 18 year olds, to be gunned down.”
The miserable geriatric then tried explained how Britain would defend itself against a hostile Spanish Armada.
“If history is anything to go by, we won’t have too much to worry about. Last time Spain invaded they used a load of wooden boats. If they use that tactic again, it would be even easier to win, because we have much more advanced weapons now and we will be expecting them,” he told us, before letting out an indiscreet old man fart.
“I know loads of young men and women who really want to risk their lives defending a dirty rock in the middle of the Mediterranean,” he mumbled, whilst trying to stifle a chuckle.
Historian Brendan Bogworthy, told the Druid’s Loom, “The Spanish invasion of 1588 failed due to a number of reasons, the main one being adverse weather thwarting the Armada. Subsequent sickness on the fleet and lack supplies also contributed to the failure. What Mr Howard is forgetting is that Spain is part of NATO, which means if we declare war on it, we will have the rest of Europe up our arses. Also, France has nuclear weapons now!”
“The only time mainland British people even realise Gibraltar exists is when its crappy currency turns up in our loose change. Going to war with Spain, would be a fucking stupid idea,” he added.