Professor Stephen Hawking’s digital voice box appears to have developed an embarrassing fault. It keeps mispronouncing MP, Jeremy Hunt’s, surname.
“Everything was working fine with Professor Hawking’s voice synthesizer until yesterday,” explained co-worker Simeon Brainypants. “In fact it has been working fine for nearly thirty years,” he added scratching his head.
“Ever since Mr Hunt, started tweeting about how he knew more about science than Stephen did, it has started repeating the same foul mouthed obscenity.”
Professor Hawking’s voice box, translates the smallest eye movements into letters. Using a system similar to that of predictive text, it allows the user to form words and sentences.
In recent days however, it is pronouncing the word “Hunt”, using the hard ‘K’ sound, instead of the soft ‘H’.
Walking Scrotal Sack
The Druid’s Loom approached Professor Hawking for comment and he told us, “That walking scrotal sack can go fuck himself. If he wants to argue science with me he should get with withering cock down to Cambridge University and we can go head-to-head.”
“I know stuff about the creation of the universe that will cause his tiny fucking head to explode,” he continued.
In his final statement, before proving the existence of wormholes, Professor Hawking explained, “My only regret is there is no law of physics that I know of, that could erase this abhorrent wank stain from space-time. Only that could reverse all the fucking damage he has inflicted on the NHS.”