Stow-on-the-Wold Introduces Travel Ban

Chairman of the Stow-on-the-Wold parish council, Ronald Dump, issues a travel ban to prevent 'bad dudes' from entering the Cotswold village.

Recently elected chairman of the Stow-on-the-Wold parish council signed an order yesterday, stating that from ‘immediate effect’, a number of surrounding villages would be banned from entering ‘the Wold’.

Enacting his election promises, Mr Dump, has signed off a number of orders, so he can concentrate on “making Stow-on-the-Wold  mediocre again”.

Stow-on-the-Wold - xtreme Vetting
Stow-on-the-Wold – Extreme Vetting
Image Courtesy of Robin Drayton under the CC BY 2.0 License

Villages included in the travel ban include, Moreton-in-Marsh, Chipping Norton, Shipton-under-Wychwood and Hook Norton.

The move has generated anger and caused chaos at the borders of the village.

I live in Moreton-in-Marsh, and I have to drive through Stow-on-the-Wold every day to meet the A40 and get to work in Cheltenham,” Clive Mumpblut told the Druid’s Loom.

Because of where I live I was banned entry to the village by the new Stow Homeland Intelligence Team. I had to go via a load of country lanes – it took fucking ages,” he added.

Whilst Mr Mumpblut’s plight is harrowing, for others it has meant losing their homes.

Hand Up Arse
“I was born in Hook Norton and moved to Stow-on-the-Wold ten years ago,” explained Tina Tiddlebucket. “I popped to Evesham yesterday to do my ‘big shop’, and when I returned I wasn’t allowed back into the village.

I was then subjected to some ‘extreme vetting’, by an actual vet, who put his hand up my arse, and bundled me on the next bus back to Hook Norton.” she added with dismay.

Local lawyer Caley Bates, who questioned the legality Ronald Dump’s travel ban, has since been fired by the narcissistic megalomaniac.

Mr Dump tweeted on the subject in his usual inarticulate fashion, “She didn’t like my ideas to make this village safe and I am a smart man. She is not a smart man and wants the village to be not safe. Sad.

One of the most controversial executive orders he has signed is to build a wall between Stow-on-the-Wold and neighbouring Bourton-on-the-Water.

Double Yellow Lines
There are many great people in Bourton-on-the-Water, tremendous people,” explained rambling idiot, Mr Dump. “But they do not send their best to us. They send people who park on double yellow lines; they send people who don’t pick up their dog’s shit; they send people who use toilets in pubs without buying a drink first. That is why I am going to build a wall, and make Bourton-on-the-Water pay for the wall.

A spokesperson for Bourton-on-the-Water parish council, laughed, shook his head and said, “What a fucking idiot.





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