Sun ‘Journalists’ Now Officailly Lowest Form of Life

Sun 'journalists' were today reclassified as the lowest form of life after trying to impersonate a friend of a Grenfell Tower victim, to secure an exclusive fucking interview.

A Festering Pile of Shit - Yesterday - Only 40p
A Festering Pile of Shit – Yesterday – Only 40p

Journalists who write for The Sun,  have now been classified by scientists as life-forms lower than flesh eating bacteria and the Ebola virus.

Sack of Crap
The news was confirmed when one of these ‘people’ tried to infiltrate a hospital ward to interview a survivor of the Grenfell Tower tragedy. The lying turd-on-a-stick told busy doctors and nurses he was a friend of the sick man.

I’m thrilled by the news,” explained Sun journalist Peter Kunte, “It actually, takes quite a lot of skill to be such a hateful shitbag. I’m glad I’ve finally got some recognition.”

Mr Kunte outlined some of his plans for that all important ‘scoop’, in tomorrow’s paper.

“I’m going to find a distraught relative, who is still looking for a loved one, and interview the shit out of them. I’ll use loads of emotional  and intrusive questions,” he explained. “With a bit of luck they will start crying and we can get some good pics for the website!

Beach Wear
Mr Kunte told us that he plans to spend the evening, in his grubby flat, searching the Facebook profiles of younger female victims. “I’m hoping to find pictures of them in beach wear or pouting at the camera during a night out,” he explained. “That will look great on the front page tomorrow morning!

Species Barrier
The scientists who have reclassified The Sun journalists believe they may have actually found a new species.

The characteristics of this life-form are so different to anything else we have seen before, it may well have crossed the species barrier,” Dr Baglady explained.  “However, it is unlikely to develop into a large population, because it is so intrinsically disgusting nothing will want to have sex with it.

Thankfully, it is quite possible the Sol journalitsicus, will be extinct within the next 20 years,” he concluded.

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