Sunderland Man Goes Insane over Lady in Shop Window

Sunderland man Brian Love 30, was so smitten over a lady he spotted standing in a shop window he lost his mind.

Just look at those ankles!
Just look at those ankles!
Susbany / Pixabay

Mr. Love told the Druid’s Loom “I didn’t drool over the usual body parts that most men do – I really appreciated the more understated qualities of her female form.”

“She had the horniest pair of ankles I’ve ever seen – like unclimbed mountains – mountains so pure she would never have allowed an expedition of inexperienced climbers with inadequate climbing equipment to stomp all over her tender gristle bone – dumping their filthy rubbish all over her leg – disrespecting her newly tanned ankle surface – twenty five sherpas trampling all over her cloaks of smooth golden flesh – not this lady,” he continued.

Mr Love went on, “The sight of her nostrils drove me completely berserk. I ripped off my shirt and started chewing the road until the police arrived. I assured the officer I was fine, and that it was the sight of the lady’s mystical tunnels of nasal hair that had prompted such an uncharacteristic display of unbridled passion.

I fell on my knees and prayed to the lord when I saw the aesthetic wonderment of her fingernails. I cried ‘thank you lord for bestowing upon my aspect – ten bright red painted fingernails without any smudges at all! – Picasso who?”

A romantic encounter was not to be however, as Mr Love explained, “I walked into the shop to declare my love for her and realised it was a plastic window dress model“.

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