Mr. Love told the Druid’s Loom “I didn’t drool over the usual body parts that most men do – I really appreciated the more understated qualities of her female form.”
“She had the horniest pair of ankles I’ve ever seen – like unclimbed mountains – mountains so pure she would never have allowed an expedition of inexperienced climbers with inadequate climbing equipment to stomp all over her tender gristle bone – dumping their filthy rubbish all over her leg – disrespecting her newly tanned ankle surface – twenty five sherpas trampling all over her cloaks of smooth golden flesh – not this lady,” he continued.
Mr Love went on, “The sight of her nostrils drove me completely berserk. I ripped off my shirt and started chewing the road until the police arrived. I assured the officer I was fine, and that it was the sight of the lady’s mystical tunnels of nasal hair that had prompted such an uncharacteristic display of unbridled passion.“
“I fell on my knees and prayed to the lord when I saw the aesthetic wonderment of her fingernails. I cried ‘thank you lord for bestowing upon my aspect – ten bright red painted fingernails without any smudges at all! – Picasso who?”
A romantic encounter was not to be however, as Mr Love explained, “I walked into the shop to declare my love for her and realised it was a plastic window dress model“.