Teacher Workload Crisis Solved – Say Department for Education

The Department for Education announced today, that the teacher workload crisis had been averted, as teachers are now working more overtime than any other professional to compensate.

Maybe Now Teachers will Quit Moaning - Say Ministers
Maybe Now Teachers will Quit Moaning – Say Ministers
Shivmirthyu / Pixabay

Thanks to teachers working more overtime than any other profession their workload crisis has been solved; the Department for Education announced today.

In a bizarre and nonsensical statement they reasoned, “The main problem is that teachers couldn’t get all the jobs done, that we piled on them with all our amazing and successful new initiatives. This was because they spend their day ‘teaching’ and stuff. Thanks to teachers now working more overtime than any other profession, this has been solved.

Clocking Off at 3.30pm
A spokeswoman for the Department for Education, Lucy Burpfodder,  told the Druid’s Loom, “We are all aware that teachers only ‘work’ a five hour day –  starting at 9am and clocking off at 3.30pm – with playtime and dinner times in between. They also have a very generous holiday entitlement. It is only fair then, that they spend this extra time working and working… and working on all the crazy shit we send their way.”

Workload Crisis Averted
By spreading this work over their remaining waking hours and in their holidays for no extra pay, it means that the workload crisis has been averted.” Mrs Burpfodder continued, puckering up her anus like lips. “This now means we can introduce a load more bollocks, such as two brand new assessments for Primary kids, and compulsory ‘dusk ’til dawn’ homework clubs for Secondary students.

Looking at Leaves
Primary teacher, Sarah Hartwell, tried to explain to the Druid’s Loom through her sobs, “I get up and prepare and plan, then I teach, then I mark, and mark and mark, using 3 different fucking types of pen. After that I have a shit load of performance review objectives to meet, and an after school nature club where I take the kids out to look at leaves for a bit. When I get home I am planning for the next day until I fall asleep in my own tears.

In their concluding statement the Department of Education had this message for teachers, “Teacher’s should be grateful to Nicky Morgan and the Conservative Government for having their best interests at heart. Only by breaking teachers, can we hope to develop a world-class education system.


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Miss 9-3.30 apparently
April 16, 2016 09:35

Seriously? Seriously? What a load of bollocks.. Ok so I will come in at 9 and finish at 3.30 and just sit with the kids and make shit up.. Fine.. As that’s what people think we do.. Better still pay me overtime Nicky Morgan..That’s a thought.. Then it’ll be worth it… Well it would be worth it if I didn’t care so damn much about my wonderful pupil’s interests and prospects.. I think this crap government should get off their Eton Horses and come and work for these sectors that they are dictating.. And not for a day or a… Read more »

An also knackered Primary Teacher
April 16, 2016 10:28

The article is sarcasm!