Teachers Nearly Choke on Their Coffee

Teachers across the country, nearly choked on their coffee yesterday, as they found out that Michael Gove had entered the Tory leadership race.

Choking Hazard - Some Coffee Yesterday
Choking Hazard – Some Coffee Yesterday
Myriams-Fotos / Pixabay

At lunch time yesterday, a large number of teachers coughed and spluttered, and spat out their coffee in surprise, as they learned that Michael Gove was hoping to lead the country.

Lunch Time Revision Catchup
I had just finished marking about fifty exercise books, and running a bloody lunch time revision catch-up club,” explained Sam Fruntleweed, an English teacher from Leicester. “I literally had two minutes to grab a coffee, before doing a reading assessment with my nightmare, bottom set year 8 class. The coffee was a weak, cheap un-branded instant variety, but it gave me a small glimmer respite from my daily torment.

Prime Ministerial Intentions
“I had just taken my first mouthful and a colleague told me about Michael Gove’s Prime Ministerial intentions. The mouthful went down the wrong way, and I coughed, spitting it out, back into the cup. Then the bell went, so I had to go back to my classroom,” she added.

Sycophants
Michael Gove decided to enter the Tory leadership race yesterday, after stabbing Boris Johnson in the back. Government sycophants, who want to endear themselves to their potential new boss, were quick to come out in support of Mr Gove.

Nick Gibb MP, lied on twitter that Michael Gove was the only man we could trust, and the only man who could unite the country.

Rolf Harris
The only way Mr Gove unites anyone is through their shared hatred of him,” headteacher Clint Bungerbang told us. “By patronising and alienating a whole profession he brought the education system to its knees. Now he wants to get his grubby little hands on the whole country.

As for trust, I’d sooner trust Rolf Harris as an art teacher, than anything that greasy little bastard has to say,” he concluded.

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