Thank God for Some Different News Say British Public

The British Public, today announced their gratitude towards HRH Prince Andrew for providing them with some proper news, to choke over their breakfast cereal at, instead of stuff about fucking Brexit or the general election.

Pizza in Woking - A Typical Royal Dish
Pizza in Woking – A Typical Royal Dish

The long suffering British public, who are, quite frankly, absolutely sick and tired of the mind crushingly boring news about Brexit and the General Election; have welcomed all the salacious allegations about HRH Prince Andrew with open arms.

Mundane Floods

Even the stuff about floods has got a bit mundane” said Moria Wallopcods, a rice pudding taster from Norfolk. “I used to enjoy watching the flooded out ruins of a property while the owner looked on in despair – but it seems to happen every other week now” she added.

I was just saying to my husband the other week; what we could do with was a nice Royal scandal. Thank heavens for Prince Andrew” she concluded.

Grand old Duke of York

Viewers stared at the televisions in disbelief on Saturday night as the Duke of York, who appears to have had 10,000 women, struggled to answer a single question honestly.

It was such a welcome relief to see someone different having a grilling on TV” said button maker Clive Handybutt “All we have had for months now is bloody Jeremy Corbyn, that fuckwit Boris Johnson, and don’t even get me started on that utter arsehole Nigel Farage. At least this car crash interview has a touch of class about it.”

First Royal Scandal

Many people are too young to remember the last big royal scandal so this comes at a first for them

I have heard tales about the Charles and Di divorce and something about a horrible anus,” millennial Tarquin Bumfoster told us “But I have never experienced a royal scandal first hand. It’s really quite exciting isn’t it – and something you can’t just binge watch on Netflix. You just have to be patient and watch the drama unfold.


When we approached Buckingham Palace for comment they told us “Piss off you bunch of proles. His Royal Highness is not available for further comment as he has gone for a pizza in Woking.

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