In days gone by what was said at the budget happened. One may not have agreed with it, but at least you knew it was the product of a few meetings and discussions.
Forgot his Homework
Now all the budget seems to be, is a couple of ideas that the Chancellor had the night before. It’s a bit like the kid who forgot to do his homework, the ideas all seem ill-planned and of poor quality.
We asked Mr Osborne how he went about planning his budget speech.
Don’t Have a Clue
“I don’t really understand maths and stuff. My dad paid my way through school so I never really had to do any work. I always got one of my fags to do my homework for me anyway. Trouble is, I got rid of all the staff who used to do my budget for me – so I had to do it myself this year – and I really didn’t have a clue.” Mr Osborne explained.
“Obviously I had to make sure all my rich mates were okay – that’s important, because when I eventually get sacked from this job I will need a cushy directorship somewhere. After that, I have to appease the Daily Mail readers, because they are our core voters. That’s easy to do, because as long I am tough on the people they don’t like, they are happy. I just need to make sure there is less funding for the the wheelchair people, the mental people and anything else they don’t understand,” he rasped callously.
“Finally I have to please all the Sun readers, so I make sure I don’t add too much to “fags” and “booze. There you go – budget sorted!” he finished before handing us an invoice for £3000.
“I’m setting, up a new public speaking business,”he explained. “£3000 is my minimum fee.”