Image Courtesy of altogetherfool under the CC BY-SA2.0 license
Hi, readers! It’s your friendly Chancellor here, George Osbourne. Now, I know that fracking has got some pretty bad press recently, so I am going to put your mind at rest and outline my case for this new technology.
Fracked Up
Fracking should be able to provide us with a reliable energy source for many years. It can be used to heat our homes, power our cars, cure cancer and feed the poor.
I know all this because I have a really good friend called Charles Cherryanus who works for “Fracked Up”, a global fracking company. He is quite high up in the company, CEO, or something – so he should know what he is talking about.
Yacht
Anyway, Charles invited me to his luxury yacht in the Med, to tell me all about his fracking idea. He told me that forcing a cocktail, of toxic chemicals at high pressure, into the ground, in order to shatter the bedrock and extract the “shale gas”, is perfectly safe.
To prove how safe, it was he said I could have loads of shares in his company; just so long as I give him permission to build lots of his extraction plants around the UK.
jwigley / Pixabay
I would have been a fool to say no! Especially since he was offering me a brand new holiday home in California!
Earthquakes and Poisoned Water
When I asked Charles about some of the problems other countries had faced with fracking; such as the toxic chemicals leeching into the water supply, and earthquakes, he told me not to worry, and gave me £100,000! This was brilliant and I believe a real sign of trust.
It’s such a good idea I feel that the British Government should help Charles’ company. I think the British people should also benefit from fracking, so I have diverted taxpayers money from the folly of “renewable energy”. I know we don’t want any more of those ugly windmills and solar panels! Anyway, Charles was really pleased with the money I gave him and gave me a new car as a thank you!
Happy Fracking Charles!!
