Dear Auntie Druid,
I live at home with my mum and her thirteen cats, besides my severe cat allergy it’s a comfortable life.
However, my mother won’t let me have a girlfriend, she says if I were ever to bring a girl home to introduce, she wouldn’t hesitate to sling her out by her nipples.
Mother tells me that she is the only woman I’ll ever need and I shouldn’t be chasing dirt bags (Mothers words, not mine). Lets let’s face it, I can’t exactly “become a man” with my mother now, can I? As Roy Walker would say, “It’s good, but it’s not right”.
I constantly remind her that I’m 43 and ready to take the next step in life but she’ll call me a selfish twat and sets her cats on me.
How do I break away from my mother without the risk of going over her knee with my arse out? She’s an aggressive old cow so I’d need to be careful.
Thanks in advance,
Anonymous (Don’t want her to know)
Well, Mr Doesn’t want his mum to know, my only advice to you is, get some fucking balls. It seems either mother pickled yours in a jar of vinegar or fed them to her cats because they’re obviously not attached to your person.
You need to stop being a pussy and be the man that you are, at the ripe age of 43 you should be independent and off your mother’s tit, with more tarts under your belt than a cake thief in a Mr Kipling factory.
P.S, thirteen cats? Wow! Does she cover her windows with newspaper and worship Satan too?