Today, Theresa May will have her first arse to face talks with Presidential Nutjob, Donald Trump.
Britain, who voted to leave the EU so it could regain its independence, is now set to become America’s bitch. The country will be lodged firmly up President Trump’s ample anal sphincter as it seeks to reaffirm its ‘special’ relationship.
May the Force Be With You
This relationship will probably involve Britain sitting under America’s dining table, feeding off whatever scraps of trade that are left over.
May’s Trump Card
Whitehouse trade advisor, Chad Digglepop, told the Druid’s Loom, “We understand that Britain is desperate to trade with the US after effectively cutting themselves adrift from the lucrative EU trade agreements.”
“President Trump plans to exploit that as fully as possible. We will cream off all the best deals for ourselves and pass off all the shit we don’t want to the UK,” he continued gleefully.
“Some of the trade deals we can offer include nuclear waste disposal, animal fat reclamation, fracking and petrochemical refining – all the shit that’s too dirty or dangerous to have over here,” he added.
To Whom it May Concern
As Mrs May signs off any remaining dignity the country had after Brexit, by snuggling up to an utter mentalist; other world leaders have distanced themselves and are chuckling at our expense.
On the plus side, Scotland is to become a huge fucking golf course and headline writers can think up loads of new puns involving the words ‘May’ and ‘Trump’.