For a number of years, the Department of Work and Pensions has been plagued by an itchy parasite. This particular species, Pediculus capitus baldius “The Bald Head Louse” has been feeding off tax payers money and causing considerable discomfort and embarrassment.
The DWP finally thought it had removed the irritation by using a specialist shampoo called “Universal Credit Whitewash”.
It has since discovered, that after a short affair with the idea of of cutting the PIP (Personal Independent Payments) that it has now contracted a similar parasite of the pubic variety.
“I can confirm that the DWP has got crabbs”, David Bellenderby – a spokes person for the DWP, told the Druid’s Loom in a statement today. “It is a particularly aggressive strain with a nasty bite, that will make your balls itch like buggery.”
This particular species is known Pthirus pubis beardies (The bearded crabb), and it has been known to be particularly virulent in the homosexual population, where it believes it can “cure gayness”. It is also know to cause particular irritation to disabled people, as it has in the past voted for cuts to benefit payments.
The bearded crab is currently resistant to all forms of treatment, so is likely to be causing misery to the sick and disabled for some time.