A highly renowned ‘relief’ establishment is to close down this week after 64 years of business.
The Pink Cello Bordello has been a popular hangout providing sexual pleasures for old men, cheating bastards and shy guys for over six decades. The founder and owner, Randy Mandy, has stated that she is now too old for the job and throwing in the towel was the hardest decision she’s ever had to make, but the time has come to call it a day.
The men (and a few curious women) who frequented The Pink Cello Bordello are devastated at the news of the closure, they say it is the end of one rampant, sex filled era. Reporters called in for a price list and got Randy Mandy’s story of how she built her erotic empire.
“I opened The Pink Cello Bordello back in 1952, it wasn’t here back then, I ran the business from my grandad’s back shed on Cello Road. I had a lamp in there with a pink shade that filled the shed with a pink glow, The Pink Cello was born. I was a single girl and back then sex before marriage was frowned upon, so I told people I was in the shed tenderising meat for the local army barracks…that wasn’t too far from the truth,” Mandy explained
“Word got about, apparently I was tighter than a camels arse in a sand storm and was highly recommended, so people were travelling from far and wide for my services. After a few months I had made enough money to pull out of the back shed and slide my business into somewhere a little wider. I managed to get this place really cheap because the owner was one of my regulars,” she told us with a wry smile.
“Over the years I’ve had guys from all walks of life coming, and some strange requests have been made let me tell you. For instance, the golden shower originates from here, and I’ve had guys coming with foreign objects, i’ll use anything if the money is good, even foods and flumps. One guy came dressed as a chicken once, I thought he had come straight from work or something, turns out a good hard clucking and having his feathers ruffled was his thing,” she said, chuckilng to herself.
Mandy explained to the Druid’s Loom that she’s love to keep the business going. “I feel I’ve reached the age where I have to let it go, I’m 91 now, bits are starting to dry up and I’ve fell asleep on the job a few times recently. Being a career woman I never had children so there’s nobody to hand it down to unfortunately. I’ve heard that a teddy bear stuffing company is interested in the property, I’d say these walls have seen their fair share of stuffing already.“
Randy Mandy says retirement will be boring because she has always worked, and is considering working from home in her shed three weekends a month.
“it’ll be like the good old days, I’ll even dig out the Pink lamp shade and get some fancy golden shower sheets”, she added.