Town taken by surprise with twelve inches

An unexpected flood hit the ill-equipped town of Weldonchester in the early hours…better get the biscuits out.

"We've never had twelve inches before".
“We’ve never had twelve inches before”.
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The UK has been fortunate to have a partial summer this year, the weather has been glorious, with beaming sunshine and temperatures in parts matching the Mediterranean or a kebab shop kitchen.

So it came as quite a surprise when Weldonchester awoke to flooded streets this morning. A torrential downpour of raindrops the size of dogs bollocks hit in the early hours and amounted to a twelve inch water level across the town, causing damage to homes, local businesses and the William Shatner shrine.

Mrs Gush had to rescue her three legged cat when she woke up this morning, her downstairs had been filled twelve inches deep and her cat was lacking the optimum number of legs it needed to swim to safety. Mrs Gush said her poor pussy was so wet and trembling. After ten minutes of stroking it the trembling stopped, Mrs Gush was so relieved.

Back Passage
Another resident, Emma Roydd, says her back passage is a mess and it will take a while to clear up. “All the neighbours rubbish has floated to the back passage and settled as piles at my rear gate. I’ll get my friend to help me, he’s a doctor you know“, she tells us.

People are devastated by the extensive damage but are buzzing that they don’t have to go to work, instead, they are showing their community spirit and tackling the wet in an attempt to restore Weldonchesters unconventional beauty.

Poor drainage and lack of sandbags called for improvisation to rid the streets of the flooding, corner shops and supermarkets have come to aid by donating tampons and rich tea biscuits to soak up the water. Locals are hard at work and don’t seem too bothered about missing The Jeremy Kyle Show.

The people of Weldonchester have shown they actually care about their town, we were previously led to believe they didn’t give a shit due to the state they leave the place in“, says local MP Fanny Cummings.

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