Tree Yourself To A Barkini

A local community tells journalist Shaun Weldon about how a bit of art by weird students has changed their life's … and their dog's life's forever.

Don't Get Wood!
Don’t Get Wood!
Image Courtesy of Shaun Weldon

A group of wayward albeit enthusiastic fashion students have designed and made a range of beech wear for trees to sport throughout summer months. The project, “Bringing Sexy Bark”, has been launched to get the trees of Hendon Town looking great and feeling sexy!

It has certainly gone down a storm with the locals and the parks have never been busier.

Pig Sick
The mutts in the area seem happier too, one committed dog walker, who wishes to remain anonymous, said his whippet has stopped urinating on the ironing pile at home since the project started, the dog would rather give a sexy birch a golden shower in the park.

He added, “I’m glad but I’m pig sick of walking him! Five times a day he wants to go out! Oh he gets so bloody excited about those trees does our Rufus.

Decent Eye Candy
Hendon’s most offensive man, Mr David Davidson, who is whole-heartedly backing the project and cheering on the students, had this to say:

I fucking hate trees they’re pointless aren’t they? They’re only good for hippies to protest in and for birds to shit and shag from. At least now we’ve got some decent eye candy! The trees are sexier than my ex- wife’s mum. I’ll tell you something now though, you’ll get some dirty weird perverts wanting to make love to them, just wait and see, I’m telling you now, it’ll be plastered all over the news next week“!

Strap Ons
The Barkinis come in a range of vibrant colours and styles, and with sizes up to extra thick. Even the larger plus-size trunk can look amazing and feel incredible. The students are thrilled and over the moon with what they have achieved, and have already planned their next project which they are making a head-start on next week …… strap-ons for traffic lights.

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