Embracer of quack medical practices, Donald Trump, decided that leeches would be his first line of defence against the deadly Coronavirus, despite clinical advice to the contrary.
“I have the best ideas“, the Commander in Chief, told the Druid’s Loom “I hear that leeches were used for many years to treat the worst sicknesses, bad sicknesses. The plague, I am told. We don’t have the plague anymore, so the leeches worked,” the fucking moron added.
“I have bought millions of leeches and pharmacies will sell these to the sick, for money. They will prevent many deaths, many many deaths,” the idiot explained.
Randy Bumsquat, a red neck leech farmer from Alabama, told The Druid’s Loom, “I had the chorizo virus, and I treated myself with me leeches, and I got better. I emailed the White House to tell them.”
Mr Bumsquat was amazed by the response from the President. “The great Mr Trump, invested millions of dollars in my farm. He then made me sole supplier for the squishy little critters. I’ll be rich I tells ya, rich,” he squealed.
We tried to explain to Donald Trump, that there was only some anecdotal evidence, from a biased party, that leeches could have any effect against the virus.
“You are a bad reporter,” he bellowed. “The worst. The Druid’s Loom is a bad publication. The worst. I have tremendous thoughts and I think that these leeches will work. You have the worst thoughts and they are FAKE NEWS,” he said, stumbling over his words, like a person with a catastrophic brain injury.
“There is no evidence at all that leeches have any beneficial effect against Covid-19,” Medical advisor, Rumpold Shureshmuck explained. “The advice given by Mr Trump is not only wrong, but dangerous. He is a dangerous liar who is using this crisis to feather his own fucking pocket,” he added
“This administration has too many blood sucking parasites in it already, without adding millions more,” he said quickly, before going into hiding.