UKIP Plan to Burn Degenerate Literature on Guy Fawkes Night

Capitalising on the publicity generated when several alleged members of UKIP stormed a left-wing bookshop in London at the weekend, senior party officials have today met to rubber-stamp the idea of burning huge piles of books across the UK on Bonfire night.

"There's nowt to be learned from books"
“There’s nowt to be learned from books”

Donations of appropriate books are being sought across the UK so that every major city can host a UKIP themed bonfire and fund-raising event. Branch officials are being asked to visit every charity shop in their constituencies to source appropriate kindling.

UKIP Book Burning

Committed party activists have apparently wasted no time, as Oxfam has today claimed that all 423 copies of Owen Jones titles they held in stock have been sold online to a UKIP branch in the South-East.


UKIP spokesperson, Jonty Snarkleford-Piblington, told the Druid’s Loom that: –

We believe that it’s the logical step. We hate the left-wing, we hate left-wing books, so why not combine our twin passions into some family friendly fun and mark a national celebration? What self-respecting patriot would not want to take his children to eat toffee-apples, gaze in wonder at a firework display, and participate in the torching of degenerate literature?”

Roald Dahl

What the party top-brass are categorising as degenerate literature isn’t yet clear. However, an unnamed insider has advised us that anything that has a left-wing political outlook, anything concerning modern art, anything written by women, by foreigners, by homosexuals, or by Roald Dahl – is likely to feature on a list currently being compiled by senior UKIP figures.

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