Village to Have Own Referendum

Leek Wootton village is to hold a referendum to decide whether to LEAVE or REMAIN in the county of Warwickshire.

Leek Wootton - Better off Out?
Leek Wootton – Better Off Out?
Image Courtesy of SnowManRadio Under the CC BY-SA 3.0 License

The village of Leek Wootton is thought to be the first to hold a referendum to decide whether it stays in its mother county of Warwickshire, or leaves and goes it alone.

The campaigns on both sides of the argument are hotting up, with each group trying to persuade the 1000 strong electorate,  to vote for them.

Michael Madpaste, chairman of the ‘Waxit’, campaign trembled and stuttered like a man possessed, and told the Druid’s Loom, “The people of Leek Wootton are sick and tired of the bureaucracy at Warwickshire Council. Do you realise each household pays £157 a month in council tax? That’s nearly £942,000 a year – almost the cost of my house! We are fed up of giving OUR money, to support towns and villages in the county that are less fortunate than ourselves.

It also makes my blood boil to see people from nearby towns swarming across our parish borders and using our facilities. Just the other day I noticed a slightly tanned couple from Leamington Spa in our local pub. They will be raping our women next!” he shouted inexplicably

“If we win, I will ensure that the parish councillors implement an Australian type points system to curb this tidal wave of immigration,” he continued while foaming at the mouth.

Terry Sensemudder, who heads up the ‘Remain” campaign explained, “I don’t even know how this even became a thing. We have a pub, a church, a primary school, a village hall and a small shop that sells lace stuff. Our chief export is crochet jumpers, made by the old ladies club. We are hardly self-sufficient. Oh, there is a farm, but that only grows onions. These ‘Waxit’ people seem to be a bunch of racist mentalists.

Mr Madpaste, butted in abruptly, his eyes swivelling into his head, “We held a church fete, that raised enough money to buy a new tea urn for the village hall last year!

Price of Onions
The Druid’s Loom has estimated that if Leek Wootton does leave Warwickshire – the cost of education, health, policing, fire service, street lighting, refuse collection would mean the council tax will have to rise from £157 per month to about £200,000  per month. The price of onions would also increase to around £90 per onion.

It’s a price worth paying,” exclaimed Mr Madpaste, screaming like a banshee.

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