Megalomaniac billionaire bastard, Rupert Murdoch, today used his most popular ‘newspaper’, The Sun, to order its readership to vote ‘leave’ in the EU Referendum.
Brightly Coloured Pictures
The front page spread – which consisted of brightly coloured pictures and very few words – claimed the main advantage of voting leave would be that we would no longer have to take orders from foreigners.
A spokeswoman for the Sun, Claire Wagamama, told the Druid’s Loom, “This country is a democracy, and our readers are entitled to vote anyway they wish in the referendum. However, by dripping scaremongering lies over the past four months we have basically brainwashed our entire readership.”
“It’s not been easy as they don’t understand big words, so we have had to use scary pictures and pseudo racist slurs, to play into their narrow little minds,” she continued. “By using lots of big colourful fonts and union flags, we can usually distract them from Jeremy Kyle long enough to get Rupert’s point across.“
The Sun newspaper wields an obscene amount of power when it comes to influencing voting behaviour.
“Rupert can pop into Downing Street at any time and whoever is Prime Minister at the time, will suck his cock. Gordon Brown refused, and look what Rupert did to the poor bastard – he was vilified,” she told us.
Sweaty, Wrinkly, Ball-Sack
“The Europeans don’t like the thought of his sweaty, wrinkly, ball-sack invading their offices – and thus the fate of our place in the EU has been sealed. If the EU had been more willing to accommodate Rupert’s genitalia then maybe the Sun would be backing ‘remain,'” Miss Wagamama explained.
The Druid says – “If you want to wipe the annoying smile of Rupert’s fucking face – vote Remain on 23rd June.”