Weldonchester Hosts International Food Markets

From mouth fulls of Austrian sausage to voluptuous Swiss yodeling beer maids, the international food markets hit the town of Weldonchester.

Market stalls busier than the post office on pension day.
Market stalls busier than the post office on pension day.
Image Courtesy of Shaun Weldon

The international food markets have had a tremendous impact on the town of Weldonchester over the bank holiday weekend, with more food stalls, beer tents and entertainment stands than previous years.

Foreign Food
Global cuisine is more desirable than ever in the UK, probably because less people can afford to holiday abroad due to the ever increasing cost of living, and are unable to eat foreign food in foreign countries. For this reason, the markets are a great success.

Finn Gerrbang, part time underwear model and proprietor of the Austrian sausage stall, “Simply the Wurst“, is delighted to have been a part of the annual event and has already booked a stall for next year.

Sausage
Never have I had so many women queuing up for my sausage, they have had so many inches of my juicy meat in their mouths today,“Finn tells us.

International cask ales, beers and absinthe have complimented the glorious bank holiday weather nicely, many a piss head filled their boots with some of the world’s finest alcoholic beverages as they listened to performances from the voluptuous Swiss yodeling beer maids. Paramedics had to tend to one elderly man, it is unknown whether it was the absinthe or the maid that sat on his lap whilst yodeling Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s get it on” that caused his funny turn, but he soon recovered.

Flicking The Bean
If you love freshly ground coffee, Flicking the Bean is right up your street. Flicking the Bean Coffee Co serves 69 varieties of full bodied, freshly ground coffee, they also have beans on sale for those who would prefer Flicking the Bean in the comfort of their own home. One market visitor said the highlight of her day was Flicking the Bean, she found it most enjoyable and would highly recommend it.

Smashed iPads
Weldonchester police are out in force for the event, patrolling the markets to ensure the public are safe from pickpockets and those bastards with smashed iPads that ask you if you’ve had any accidents, they are expected to be lurking in the crowds. Police advise people to huddle together like penguins trying to keep warm whilst navigating through the markets to avoid being singled out. Safety first kids.

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