The head of the domestic staff at the White House announced in a surprise statement, that they would be purchasing a set of elastic rubber sheets, to protect the mattress in the presidential bed.
The item has a bespoke design, to fit the extra large, double king-size bed. It is expected to made of industrial grade rubber that will prevent soilage to the mattress – even under the most extreme urine related incidents.
Blake Munchchops, director of the White House ancillary services, told The Druid’s Loom, “The mattress on the presidential bed is of exceptionally high quality and designed specifically to fit the giant bed frame. They are very expensive, and it simply isn’t cost effective to keep replacing them, after every bladder evacuation.“
“Instead we have opted for a custom made protective sheet, that can be easily hosed down and refitted in the event of any urine spillages, accidental or otherwise,” he added.
White House staff explained that the last 8 years have passed without any mattress fouling incidents, but, have decided, for no particular reason, that they can no longer afford to take any risks.
Premium Quality American Rubber
Protective bed sheet manufacture, PissEaze™, has been specially commissioned to design and fabricate the sheets, that are suitable for the bed of a Commander in Chief.
“It’s a great honour to have been asked to make these specialised sheets for the White House,” explained Gary Lumphammer, the managing director of PissEaze™. “Our sheets are made from premium quality American rubber and are comfortable and durable.“
“They can handle anything you throw at them; even piss from Russian prostitutes,” he added.