Why Didn’t You Tell Us Baseline Tests were Bollocks? Ministers ask Teachers

The Department of Education angrily asked teachers yesterday, why they didn't point out that the new baseline tests were an utterly crap idea and a meaningless accountability measure.

You could have said! Ministers tell teachers
You could have said! Ministers tell teachers
PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay

Government ministers were really dismayed last week when they were forced to abandon the new baseline tests for schools as they were not fit for purpose.

Bloody Fortune
It’s a shame that no one in the teaching profession pointed this out sooner,” Department of Education spokesperson Joseph Likkiball, exclaimed angrily. “It has cost a bloody fortune to set up and administer these tests, only for us to discover that they were no good.

Disgusting
In a few weeks students are due to sit them,” he continued. “Teachers are disgusting, putting their students though this.

Three Providers
The new baseline tests are supplied by three different providers and are completely incomparable with each other, focusing on varying methods of assessment. The Department of Education, bizarrely, decided that these incomparable tests could be used to compare the performance of different schools.

So called ‘Teachers’
A 5 year old could have told us that you can’t compare schools using tests that can’t be compared,“explained Mr Likkiball, the man who signed off the idea. “How come these so called ‘teachers’ didn’t notice it and tell us?
Teacher Laura Lostwill told the Druid’s Loom, “I have written to my MP, and phoned up the Department of Education explaining my concerns and____
Oh Shut Up!” Mr Likkiball interrupted. “We don’t give a shit what you think, you bloody leftie!

School Readiness
Once he had reduced Miss Lostwill to tears Mr Likkiball continued, “We are now going to replace these tests with a new assessment system. We don’t what it’s going to contain, but our marketing department has thought up a really great name – the ‘school readiness’ test – cool eh?

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Sammy

I would like to ask the teachers WHO PAYS YOUR WAGES??

It’s the government. What is it they say to their kids…..? DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD