In November 2015, Theresa May famously told the British public – as she introduced new internet spying laws that “If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.“
Echoing that sentiment she has decided not to submit her tax return for public scrutiny.
“Mrs May really does have nothing to hide, that is why she is hiding her tax return.” explained Downing Street spokeswoman, Vera Bangnut. “She told me that all her taxes are in order, just like Phillip Hammond’s.”
Donald Fucking Trump
Mrs May has decided that she is far too important to have her finances thrust into the public domain.
“She says that she is is in charge of the country and the public must believe everything she says and trust. She learnt that from Donald Fucking Trump, when she visited him and held his hand and stuff,” she added.
In response to Jeremy Corbyn’s tax return, Vera Bagnut told the Druid’s Loom, “Theresa was very cross when she found this out. She threw some books across the room and screamed for a bit. Then she called him a stupid beardy fucktard. After that she got straight on the phone to the Telegraph to engineer a smear campaign against him.“
In a statement to the Druid’s Loom, Mrs May highlighted the issues with Mr Corbyn’s Tax return.
“Mr Corbyn had something to hide. He hid his parliamentary benefits on page 4 of his tax form, in the box specifically designed for this purpose. He also hid a load of money by legitimately paying it into a pension. Finally he hid his £5000 MP pay rise, by giving it to charity. He is clearly a dishonest bastard.“
“I can honestly say, without a doubt, that NONE of my money will be going to charity,” she added, before pulling one of those really strange facial expressions she does.