PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay – CC0
Parents across the country reacted with horror this morning when they remembered is was bloody ‘World Book Day’.
Captain Hook
Mother, Judy Gwenck complained to The Druid’s Loom; “My daughter came running in this morning and told me she needed to be a character from a book. It was a nightmare. She had out grown all her fancy dress costumes. All we could do was scrabble about in her wardrobe a bit and see what we could put together.
Eventually I found an eye patch and a stripey T-Shirt. We modified a coat hanger, and now she is ‘Captain Hook’. It just looks shit.“
It isn’t just the parents who find it traumatic, the ‘World Book Day’ is hell for teachers too, as Miss Saunders from Edgehill Primary School explained:
“It’s just a day when over excited kids just piss around and fiddle with bits of their costumes. Most don’t even come as book characters. One boy came as Kylo Ren – since when was ‘The Force Awakens”, a fucking book?”
After seething for a bit, she clarified her statement, “I don’t blame the parents however, it’s the education system’s fault for buying in to this subversive marketing campaign. One poor mother had three kids to get ready – I saw her today in the playground – she was a broken woman.”
It is an idea dreamt up by book companies to try and make reading cool again.
By giving away £1 book tokens, they can attempt to lure children away from ‘on demand TV and films’, games consoles and the internet – all of which are infinitely more appealing. It’s an idea that works for about two days – until Snapchat adds a new special effect or Facebook adds some new reaction buttons.
Even the children find the day quite traumatic. “My mum made me go to school dressed as a Hobbit“, a tearful Duke Barrington (12) told us, “Everyone else came in their own clothes and I just felt like a twat.” he said, before locking himself in his room and turning on his Xbox One.
Stop being a smug little prick.
Thanks for reading the Druid’s Loom – I hope you enjoyed the article and we really appreciate the feed back. To be honest though I’m actually a smug big prick – if you know what I mean 😉
The tone of this article is reactionary and highly offensive. Keep up the good work.